bill gates meets satan

[Boris Groendahl <boris@berlin.snafu.de>]

Haben einige in zwischen sicher schon ein paar mal in ihrer Inbox gehabt, 
aber ein paar vielleicht auch nicht.



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Bill Gates meets Satan.

"Wiiiiilliam Gaaaates..."

"Oh, hi, Satan.  What's up downstairs?"

"It's tiiiiime..."

"Yeah, but we're still debugging Memphis, and Ballmer swears he'll wipe 
out Adobe before lunch, and Melinda wants to change the tile in the 
third-floor kitchen again, and..."

"Sorry, Bill.  I've given you too many extensions already, not to mention 
the Oracle8 launch event disaster, not to mention Steve Jobs?  head on a 
platter."

"Yeah, that was a good one.  I think you enjoy this as much as  I..."

"Regardless, a deal's a deal.  Your soul is mine, Bill Gates.   And today 
is the day you pay your eternal debt to me."

"Now, let's be reasonable here, Satan..."

"Reasonable?!?  You want reasonable?!?  You're the richest man in the 
world! You've got a beautiful wife and daughter!  Microsoft is the most 
powerful company on the planet!  We're even using NT to run hell's WAN 
server!  And frankly, it sucks.  That's one of the reasons I've come to 
collect.  If you can't get my network to run right,

you'll spend the afterlife writing Windows applications that run on 
doorbells..."

"What's your alternative, Satan?  Netware?  AppleTalk?  OS/2?  You're a 
funny guy for someone who breathes fire."

"Well, God is porting all his heaven-critical applications to  Java..."


"Java?!?  Stop it, Satan.  You're going to make me wet my pants again 
like that time you told me to buy Novell for $50 a share."

"Yes, Java, running on Sun servers, IBM plumbing and Oracle databases 
with thin clients accessing the apps via the web through Netscape 
Navigator."


"That's not a solution, that's one of those Grimm's fairy tales that 
scare children to death.  I have yet to see an NC actually being used to 
do anything except crash during demonstrations.   Look, Java is a nice 
little language for animating web sites, but Shockwave after too many 
espressos isn't going to displace Windows as an applications platform on 
hundreds of millions of PCs."

"Nevertheless, Java is the future of  computing, and I'll be damned if 
I'm going to give God a strategic technology advantage!"

"Satan, what if I told you I could kill off Java with a single word?"

"Interesting.  Tell me more."

"Wait a minute.  What's in it for me?"

"I promise I won't turn you into Larry Ellison's bidet right this second."

"Okay, that works for me.  Here's the word...disable."

"Disable what?"

"Disable Java support in Internet Explorer."

"You mean Microsoft's web browser won't run Java anymore?"

"That's right, brimstone breath.  You want to run Java, give Netscape 50 
bucks per seat and pray that IBM doesn't buy the company to merge 
Communicator with Lotus Notes."

"The Department of Justice will..."

"Will what?  Punish me because I won't support a product my enemies want 
to use to destroy my company?  Chevrolet dealers don't have to sell Fords.

Pepsi's restaurants don't have to offer Coke.  Why does Microsoft have to 
support Java?"

"It's an industry standard..."

"It's an industry hallucination."

"There will be a public outcry..."

"From who?  Network managers?  MIS?  The CIO?  They're up to  their 
nosehairs in Cobol getting ready for January 1, 2000.  To them, Java is 
still a cute word for coffee."

"What about all those spiffy applets on thousands of web sites?"

"Microsoft owns 100 percent of the Apple and Windows preload market for 
browsers, and our overall share has gone from zero to half in two years. 
It's a safe bet most people will soon use IE for web access.  If they 
come to a site that doesn't work because of Java, they'll simply jump to 
the next one.  Trust me, developers will switch to ActiveX faster than 
you can  say  'Playstation.'"

"What about other platforms..."

"Like Intel has competition?"

"Interactive TV..."

"We call it WebTV in Redmond."

"Venture capitalists have invested billions..."

"To get a date with Kim Polese."

"Sun will write a plug-in..."

"Not without the hidden APIs."

"Of all my minions, you are my very favorite, Bill.  You may stay."

"Thanks, Satan.  Now, about that Exchange license agreement..."	

------  Boris Groendahl
------  Texte Und Konzepte Fuer Medien