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Protecting the Children (TM) (fwd)

Hallo Leute, 

diese australische Satire ueber Hotlines und den ganzen 
Krampf in Sachen Jugendschutz und Internet wollte ich 
Euch nicht vorenthalten. Das eignet sich auch fuer eine 
Glosse in einer Zeitschrift. Hintergrund ist der Plan der 
australischen Regierung fuer ein Jugendschutzsystem mit 
Hotlines und einer zentralen Behoerde, vergleichbar der 
hiesigen Bundespruefstelle, die ja ebenfalls das beste 
Kompendium fuer Pornographie amtlich zur Verfuegung 



---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Sat, 24 Apr 1999 23:11:28 +1100
From: Michael Baker <mbaker@pobox.com>
Reply-To: gilc-plan@gilc.org
To: gilc-plan@gilc.org
Subject: Protecting the Children (TM)

The following was written by Greg Taylor.  In response to a question he wrote:

>>this is a MUST POST!  Any objections to passing along? Whom do we credit
>>with this excellent artistry?
>I wrote it in a fit of whimsy yesterday, but I release all copyright
>claims, except for the Protecting the Children trademark, whose origins and
>ownership are unknown ;-)

>Date: Fri, 23 Apr 1999 12:47:03 +0800
>From: gtaylor@efa.org.au (Greg Taylor)
>Subject: Protecting the Children (TM)
>                                ANNOUNCEMENT
>The Australian Government has developed new plans to protect the country's
>children from bad weather, Senator Richard Canoot announced today.
>The following is a transcript of the press conference:
>Senator Richard Canoot:  Thank you all for coming.  I am pleased to release
>today the government's new policy to protect children from the harmful
>effects of the rain and other bad weather.  The government proposals include:
>- A hotline to allow citizens to report bad weather.
>- A new government department to classify the weather and issue cease and
>desist notices to those responsible for the worst of it.
>- Mandatory shields to be installed in all exposed public areas to prevent
>bad weather reaching children on the ground. 
>The biggest problem of course is in Tasmania, which has particularly severe
>weather, and we will be making special grants to Tasmania to build arts
>centres and suchlike.
>I'll now be pleased to take questions.
>Question:  Senator, may we call you Dick?
>SC: No.
>Q:  Senator, what exactly do you mean by bad weather?
>SC: Hail mainly, especially the kind of hard hail we saw in Sydney last
>week.  That can cause irreparable damage to children, not to mention adults.
>But we are also concerned about stopping the rain, and of course snow.
>Q:  What's wrong with rain?
>SC: It makes people get wet, and we know what than can lead to, expecially
>if they go indoors.  But rain can also turn into hail under certain
>conditions, and of course children can catch cold from rain.     
>Q:  Is hail really that dangerous?
>SC: Absolutely.  You saw the damage caused to cars by the Sydney hailstorm.
>Think of what it might do to a child's head.  
>Q:  Children have been dodging the weather for years now and there have been
>no reports of serious injury.  Why the need to act now?
>SC: Well the Tasmanian situation is a major factor there.  It looks like
>being a particularly stormy few months and we want to do what we can to help
>Q:  But have there been injuries in Tasmania?
>SC: Not so far, but we can all see what will happen if we don't act quickly.
>Q:  How will an arts centre help?
>SC: It will get people indoors and out of the weather.
>Q:  But you said you were worried about what people might do indoors?
>SC: Only in private.  A public space like an arts centre is quite safe.
>Q:  Can you tell us more about the mandatory shields, Senator?
>SC: Well it's not up to the government to specify the technical solution, we
>are just making rules in order to protect the children.
>Q:  How will the shields work then?
>SC: They'll be required to be installed in all public spaces where children
>might gather.  They will completely cover the area so as protect children
>from being hit on the head by hailstones, or indeed raindrops.
>Q:  You are trying to stop the rain then?
>SC: Don't be preposterous.  If we could stop the rain we would, but we just
>do what we can.  We recognise that most of the rain and hail will still
>reach the ground.
>Q:  Won't the protective shields stop sunshine as well?
>SC: That's true, but we consider that a small price to pay.  And even
>sunshine can be dangerous to children, especially in large doses.
>Q:  Has this been tried anywhere else?
>SC: Some third-world countries have tried to stop the wind with similar
>shields, and have not been very successful.  But failures elsewhere will not
>deter us.  We have had Senate Committees enquiring into this so are
>convinced we know best.
>Q:  What does the Weather Bureau think of your ideas?
>SC: That's not important.  The government is in charge here, not the Weather
>Q:  Where does the weather come from?
>SC: Well we all know that weather comes mainly from the West.  We'd like
>other countries to stop it reaching us but they won't do anything so we have
>to act unilaterally.
>Q:  Wouldn't umbrellas or raincoats be a better solution?
>SC: Umbrellas are too flimsy and unreliable, and raincoats are about to be
>banned, for obvious reasons.  Only the government can ensure total
>protection of the entire population.
>Q:  But shouldn't parents keep their children out of the weather?
>SC: Some parents will, but many parents are irresponsible.  Besides, parents
>are not always in a position to judge the weather, so the government must
>step in and do the job for them.
>Q:  You mentioned adults as well as children.
>SC: Did I?  Well we're mainly about protecting the children, but we all know
>that many adults are too silly to come in out of the rain, so our measures
>will help everybody.
>Q:  Who will pay the costs of all this infrastructure?
>SC: That's not really our concern.  Protecting the children is paramount,
>and the community as a whole will ultimately have to pay whatever the
price is.
>Q:  The government won't fund this?
>SC: No way.  The government's job is to make the rules, and implement the
>GST of course.  
>Q:  Senator, may we call you Dick?
>SC: If you insist.  But I'm sorry, there's no time for more questions.  I
>have to go down to Tasmania to open another arts centre.
>For further information:
>Ph. 02 6277 7480
>Fax 02 6273 4154
>                 Government - Protecting its Interests for You
Dr Michael Baker, EFA Founding Board Member, ISOC-AU Founder Member
PO Box 5, Flaxley, SA 5153, Australia Ph: +61 8 8388 8439
<mailto:mbaker@pobox.com> <http://pobox.com/~mbaker>
For more info: <http://www.efa.org.au> <http://www.isoc-au.org.au>